My Dance With Astrology – On Anger, Revolutionaries and Colouring

lonely tree

I have meant to write an article on astrology, what it means for me, and what I’ve figured learning about it. I should say I have near zero experience with astrology and do not claim to be even an astrology student. But I did read a few books and one lead me to the other. I started with trying to understand my birth chart with all its aspects, and I finished (for the time being) with the understanding that this chart is a star map about my current lifetime which my soul have chosen and written for me in order to experience certain things.

And the same applies to you, to all of us.

A birth chart is a medley of planetary connections and every one of these tells something about you. Some aspects are stronger and really define you, others are more minor. There’s usually a couple of main themes in your chart which describe certain energies you need to master. They are certain potentials you need, or rather – have the opportunity, to develop. If you rise up to the challenge. There’s also a whole array of strengths, skills and talents that are mapped out – sometimes we know about them, sometimes they are more subconscious. But still we possess certain abilities and qualities that come to us with ease. It is usually the so-called “stressful”, or also “dynamic”, aspects that describe the potential areas of growth for every individual.

It is easy to get lost in the interpretation of every single aspect, that’s why it’s better to pinpoint a few main themes in a birth chart. And still every time you go back to reading more, you’ll find out more you need to understand.

So how did I come around astrology again?

It was last week when I was going through my blog, again criticising my writing. I had this thought that there’s something a bit too much, something slightly aggressive in my writing style. That people might not like reading my stuff because it is overwhelming and intense. It is not a Sunday afternoon read exactly, meaning it is not easy and sugared. I was scrutinizing the article I wrote about how I felt after the attacks in France (but that applies to most of my writings.) Because this is an article where I clearly expressed my opinion. And I have even edited and somewhat censored myself. I was trying to be mild enough in the way I express my feelings and thoughts.

And then I had the thought that there really might be something aggressive about myself. Some part of me that is angry, something buried and unconscious. Something I would never see myself as, but at the same time feeling it in my gut. Something I am afraid of but I suspect it has something to do with my life purpose. Something I don’t fully understand. Something that gets triggered by seeing unfairness, injustice and unhappiness in the world. And it is a fiery, burning feeling deep inside me.

A couple of hours later I came down with a pretty bad stomach pain, needles-in-the-tummy type of pain. I felt even worse not knowing what is happening to me and why. It is interesting to mention, that on several occasions I’ve been able to “create” or give myself some pretty bad headaches. Due to anxious thinking, worrying that I’m not perfectly presentable or in a good mental state, etc., to a point where my head starts banging from within.

But this was different – it was pain in my stomach. And then I knew – it was in the stomach because these were some very deep feelings within me. They were not thoughts or concepts I could fiddle with in my mind but unknown, profound feelings in the centre of my being – the solar plexus. I am not sure how I am managing to manifest these pains, but it seems to me that they are so strong in my energetical body that they materialise in my physical body. It’s quite scary…

Earlier that day, when I was only starting to feel troubled, I checked the planetary transits. As we know, all the planes move and circulate, and by doing so they “touch” our natal planets and form a new type of connection for this period of time. These new aspects affect us strongly sometimes, depending on the planets involved and the themes in your chart. I googled a particular aspect I had that day and the first thing I clicked on was an article mentioning the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington and Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” famous speech. Here’s an excerpt from the speech:

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of “interposition” and “nullification” – one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”

I’ve always known with my heart that Martin Luther King is my hero. I’ve only read one biography about him, and I don’t know much of the facts, but I know with my heart that this is the person I revere. More than Ghandi, more than Mandela, more than anyone else. It’s not a logical thing and I don’t have a full explanation (besides the fact what he’s done for the humankind). And I don’t know why, but this is what I came upon when I searched the internet that day, trying to figure out why I’m feeling what I was feeling.

A hint? To link my hidden passion/anger with this revolutionary man?

I don’t know. But I know there is something in me that wants and needs to be expressed and I shouldn’t be afraid of that energy. It is part of me that wants to come out and I should let it out, without being too concerned how others react to it. If I withhold this truth from myself and everyone else, would that be better?

So I managed to get better by the end of the day after watching a few talks on compassion and gratitude (it was Thanksgiving Day in the States). I was grateful for my life at that moment, no matter what.  But I knew I had to go out in nature the next day to clear the head and regain my perspective after all these events.

And I did. We talked with my partner about the possibility of me taking up photography and learning Photoshop as a way of getting more creative. I’ve always loved arts and have been surrounded by artistic people, but I’ve never tried it. I’m very mental and writing is amazing but it is still that chatter in your head that gets to be expressed. Creating something with your hands is a therapeutic and meditative type of state, it is a different type of energy. I’d love to cover my hands with paint and just make a big mess. But I don’t do it. I’m too restrictive and just wouldn’t do it.

But what I found that day after the walk in the nature was… a colouring book for adults! And I have actually seen examples and thought that was a cool idea. Didn’t purposefully look for such a book but there it was – right in front of me in the book shop! And I knew I had to get it.

Starting from tomorrow – I will get in touch with these deep-rooted, profound, inmost feelings, dormant but slightly stirring up and causing havoc in my well-organised head.

And you never now, a sleeping beauty might be waking up from her slumber.

arm-black-white-wheat
A page of my colouring book

 

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I'm Vilina Christoph and I share my journey of healing and transformation. My awakening was triggered by the death of my mother and sister of cancer. When the feelings became too much to handle, I started documenting my experiences of dealing with depression and anxiety, coping with the loss and grief, and the general lack of motivation and joy in life.  Since the beginning of this journey of transformation I've learned compassion, acceptance and love for myself and others. My mission is to encourage others to look into their pain and take on the path of self-love. By accepting who you are with all your imperfections, by loving yourself fully with all your wounds, you find the strength to be your most authentic self and you unlock your unique gifts in the world.

2 thoughts on “My Dance With Astrology – On Anger, Revolutionaries and Colouring

  1. Wow Vilina, there is a lot in this post! I can relate to your need to do something creative that is not writing. I’m finding photography great for me – getting out in nature and taking photographs helps to calm and centre me. Love your colouring! 🙂

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    1. Thanks Elizabeth, I need to go in nature more often. Even in the garden will be good, unfortunately there’s hurricane after hurricane here on the east coast of Ireland… Perhaps that will be my New year’s resolution. Thanks for stopping by again 🙂

      Like

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