A Hopeful Start and a Pat on the Back

girl in cave
Image credit: Jean Gerber

The New 2016 Year is here! Happy new beginnings to all!

Before I start fully focusing on what’s coming this year I’d like to reflect on what was achieved and accomplished during 2015.

I was scribbling a draft on December 31st and finished it at 11:49 pm. I was quick to go to bed, where my son and partner were already asleep, before it was New Year because I didn’t want to greet it on my own. The draft was a sort of a painfully honest personal rant. I wrote it down for myself and part of it included some very practical resolutions we’ve made in our household (understand: laundry issues). And some other big ideas and plans (understand: spending this summer in my home country Bulgaria).

Before I consider rewriting it I’d like to have another go at the past year and look at it through more positive lens. What also inspired me was the blog post Resolutely Clear, I’d love you to read it. This part gave me the shivers:

Our sights are often set upon the next peak before we fully appreciate how far we’ve come. Now is a great time to pause and reflect with gratitude for what is in our wake.

I fully agree and I’m so glad I was reminded. Indeed we tend to skip over to the next thing so quickly, hoping that the new something will bring us more joy. Without even considering the hard work we’ve done so far. Not to mention giving ourselves some credit.

At least I do it so painfully often.

This also ties in with another idea which revolves around the headline of my blog – learning to find joy in life. I have discovered for myself that when I embark on a new journey, once I set off – the initial magic and enthusiasm evaporate. For example, I often struggle with this blog and the writing process. I get super inspired by an idea but once I roll up my sleeves, it’s more of a chore.

It’s hard to explain but what I’ve found is that my mind somehow quickly demystifies what I’m doing and takes the joy away. I’ve always struggled with finding joy so that’s why I set up this blog – as a mission to demystify the workings of my mind.

I’ve decided to find a way to train my mind and create a practice in which way I stay present and enjoy the moment of now.

But before we all move on to conquering new peaks, I’d like to invite you to slow down and reflect on your victories one last time.

Here it goes:

In 2015 my family shrank in size but my soul grew immensely
I’ve supported my partner on his way to becoming financially independent
I’ve supported my son in growing up to be an independent and loving individual
I’ve supported my sister in her battle with cancer
I’ve supported my father in his 24/7 caring for my sister

I’ve been a building block and a foundation. I’ve sacrificed my own desires and needs but that has also motivated me to set new goals of getting in touch with my own feelings and taking care of myself.

I’ve sacrificed relationships with friends and extended family to focus all of my efforts on the immediate members of my family and those mostly in need. But that has also motivated me to reclaim these lost connections with my friends and homeland . And to open up for new relationships in my life.

I want to learn how to ask for help when I need it and how to offer support when I’m not asked for it
I want to learn to say thanks in a meaningful way and accept gestures and help without feeling an obligation to repay
I want to say thanks to myself for enduring and being stronger than ever and rising after each fall
I want to say thanks for all the support I have received
I want to thank the gods, spirits, guides, helpers, and all spiritual beings
And all the family around me that have worked hard to help me not fall apart
And all the friends who, even far away, have not forgotten me and kept me in their thoughts and hearts

You’re all in my heart ❤

On a more practical level in 2015:

I’ve started to drive

I’ve started to exercise

I’ve started to meditate

I’ve started to write again

In review the last years:

I’m in Ireland for 8 years

Communicating every day in a non-native language

Raising a child for a 3rd year

Taking care of a household for more than 3 years

Holding a family together

Spent 5 Christmas holidays with the 2 families of my partner, who amount to 30 people or more (yes, this is a great achievement for me!)

Being separated from my family of origin, not able to see them very often due to financial difficulties and the poor health of my sister

A bout of depression this summer, managed to kick myself back out of it and started a spiritual journey of getting to know myself better

Starting out a translation business last year with a few good jobs; unfortunately this is dying out now but I’m ready to release it and not see it as a failure

Had billions of realisations…

Still kept going and still haven’t lost fate…

And I’m hopeful and I know next year will be a year of changes

POSITIVE CHANGES

What are your little (and big) victories? Do you find it hard to focus on your achievements and instead jumping off to the next thing? I’d love to hear your thoughts, x

Posted by

I'm Vilina Christoph and here I share my journey of healing and transformation. My awakening was triggered by the loss of both my sister and mother to cancer. When the feelings became too much to handle, I started documenting my experiences of dealing with depression and anxiety, coping with the loss and grief, and the general lack of motivation and joy in life.  I knew the only way out of the darkness was to embrace all my pain and transform it. I kept untangling my story by looking into early childhood experiences, past life traumas, studying astrology and psychology, meditating on regular basis and connecting with my Higher Self. Since the beginning of this journey of self-discovery I've learned self-acceptance and self-love. I've come to terms with who I am and how I feel. I've understood how my past experiences have affected but also that I'm not a victim of my circumstances.  My mission is to encourage others to look into their pain and take on the path of self-awareness and transformation. By accepting who you are with all your imperfections, by loving yourself fully with all your wounds, you find the strength to be your most authentic self and you unlock your unique gifts in the world.

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