Reclaiming a lost self: an experience in my home country

Image Ryan Moreno

Hey Everybody!

I’m back from my two-month trip and stay in Bulgaria, hurrah!

The situation with the internet certainly could’ve been better but at the same time being “off” had it’s positives, too. I enjoyed being more present, more active, more outside and basically super busy running after my son around in the garden and back yard. One minute was playing in the mud, the next playing with the water pump, and occasionally kittens were being thrown in the bin, oops…

Our stay over was full of experiences, meet-ups with relatives and friends, and in general re-connection with the roots. I realised how much I’ve missed my friends and the deep connection I share with them; the freedom to say what I think straightforward in my own unique way and knowing I won’t be judged but understood and supported. And also the ability to not say anything knowing that words are sometimes not needed to express ourselves.

On few occasions I cried just because I knew these friendships are just sacred, that these people know me and my story and I don’t need to explain anything, they just know. And I’ve so missed that.

It was a raw and vulnerable experience, at the same time, because we haven’t seen each other for years. There was uncertainty and awkwardness but also lots of honesty and compassion. At the core of everything there was love and willingness. Willingness to be open and share thoughts, emotions and truths with each other.

Overall, this was an important stage in my development – much bigger than I’ve supposed. It feels like another block of the Tetris has been laid down and filled in. Now I can proceed onward and  move forward to dimensions I haven’t been able to perceive before. New vistas of possibilities are opening  before my eyes. I feel fuller and stronger.

I reclaimed a part of myself that I’ve forsaken unconsciously years ago – indeed an action required so I can realign myself anew in a more stable and grounded way. I feel I know myself better now, I know who I am better than before, even though I know I have a long road ahead of me still. But I’ve done some tremendous work and I know I’m on the right path. I’m better connected with that inner wisdom of mine, I feel anchored  and less blown and carried away by external factors.

And ahead of me is a beautiful and exciting journey. A new life is awaiting me and I’m blossoming to it. But I also appreciate where I am at right now, trying not to rush but anticipate in excitement the changes. I’m getting readier every single moment. I know I’m fulfilling my chosen destiny and I’m getting clearer in what it might be.

So this is to all of you who are walking bravely on your paths and follow your hearts.

You may also enjoy Being present: getting to know and love yourself

Here are some images from the photo shoot I did earlier in June. Enjoy!

Photography In Her Image Photography

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I'm Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and empowerment. A family tragedy triggered my suffering from depression and anxiety+panic attacks. I was consumed by loss and grief, my sense of self was shattered. For the last three years I've been slowly piecing a new "me". I've been tracing my steps backwards, unlearning toxic behaviours and releasing outdated beliefs. It's been a journey of stripping down layers and coming back to my core, my heart, my soul. This is my life story of awakening, remembering my truth and becoming whole again. May it inspires you on your path!

7 thoughts on “Reclaiming a lost self: an experience in my home country

  1. Welcome back and a break is refreshing. It sounds like you were enjoying getting a period of being mindful of yourself and personal breathing time, I struggled to describe how I see you there, sorry. Since you asked, our summer was a break from schedules, and my favorite part is swimming in the lake 1 km from home


    1. Thanks Dave! There wasn’t much of a breathing time but I enjoyed being able to spend my time outdoors enjoying the warm weather, beautiful nature and fresh food. And also reconnecting with all my close people – very important. Break from schedules sounds great! And what’s better than some swimming in a favourite spot! I also visit the Bulgarian seaside and didn’t want to leave.. ah good memories 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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