How relationships help us heal and transform

Image Anete Lûsina

Will you define your relationships with people as good? Or do you think you can do better?

Have you ever wondered why are relationships so tricky?

I recently watched a talk which shed some very needed light on this question.

Relationships are a tool, with a big T. They are an instrument. They are a mirror.

They are an opportunity for us to heal our wounds. Furthermore, they are the only way for us to continue growing and evolving, as human beings and as souls.

When we choose to enter a relationship in the material plane, on a soul level we have already signed a contract with this particular soul to experience some learning and growth. Our mutual purpose is to participate in the actualisation of our highest creative potential.

But what happens in “real” life?

Picture this person with whom you have difficulty, because these are the people (or situations) that usually trigger our transformation. Next time when you have an argument or when they stir up some unpleasant feelings in you, imagine that they hold a full-length mirror towards you.

What you feel and see in your head (your mental mirror) when you are having this argument is a picture of a part of yourself. It isn’t them! It’s actually a part of yourself – an image, a trait, a disowned self.

But! This doesn’t mean that this part of yourself is wrong and shouldn’t be there. Or that it is ugly and must be eradicated.

This is indeed a part that has been suppressed and kept hidden. But by all means it shouldn’t be regarded as something disgusting that needs to be purged.

On the contrary, this part needs to be seen and welcomed back .

This is the reason we have relationships with people that bring these unpleasant feelings in us.

It is our soul’s call, raising the alarm, so we look into these parts of ourselves and heal them by taking them back and loving them.

You may be asking, Why do we have these “bad traits”? How can we possibly like them and claim them as parts of our personality or self?

Very often these baddies are something formed during our childhood, something rather distorted by an immature mind. Something that really isn’t anything but a wound that our parents themselves carried and we reflected it back to them, thinking it’s ours. (Imagine that we were their mirrors but eventually we became the image.)

And it goes back and back and back through generations. It doesn’t really come from anywhere but it is our ego and the perception of the separate self, which wants to keep us separate from God.

In a relationship, though, we have the opportunity to see ourselves as a part of a unity. We don’t go into relationships to pursue what we want, but to spark each other’s healing and the realisation that separation is an illusion.

If we can face our wounds when this person is mirroring them back to us, instead of projecting them onto him or her, we can claim these monsters back as part of ourselves and transmute them into love. Remember that they have turned into demons because we have avoided them for too long, until in our minds they became too scary to look at.

Once we welcome them back with love and disarm them, they will show the real wound – probably experiences from childhood. And as grown ups and evolving souls we have the responsibility to understand this isn’t our true self but rather our wounded child.

Our true self still lies intact inside of us. The way God has intended for us.

But because things got a bit messed up in childhood, God also intended for us to meet this person that will mirror these wounds back to us so we can reclaim a disowned part of ourselves and complete our wholeness.

So next time when you start having troublesome feelings and feeling the urge to attack, remember this process. Remember that this is an opportunity and the ultimate goal is to restore your completeness. It is your obligation as a conscious spiritual being to embrace the adversity but the reward at the end will be your alignment with the divine intention for you, which is love.

When we start loving ourselves again and realise we are beautiful powerful beings, we will drop our defenses and from then on we will be able to create and actualise our highest intended purpose.

But only through the cooperation and mutual love with others.

Do you have such relationships? Have you ever felt you’re just reflecting somebody else’s wounds? Do you tend to project onto others?

Also read On grief: the missing relationship with the mother

Posted by

I'm Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and empowerment. A family tragedy triggered my suffering from depression and anxiety+panic attacks. I was consumed by loss and grief, my sense of self was shattered. For the last three years I've been slowly piecing a new "me". I've been tracing my steps backwards, unlearning toxic behaviours and releasing outdated beliefs. It's been a journey of stripping down layers and coming back to my core, my heart, my soul. This is my life story of awakening, remembering my truth and becoming whole again. May it inspires you on your path!

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