A solo adventure and a glance into a past life

Over the weekend I went to an event. It was one of these “random” things you find knowing they have showed up to you for a reason.

It consisted of a talk and a group meditation led by a professional regressionist. We discussed the subjects of regression, past lives, reincarnations, ego, soul evolution, and more. After that we did a 40 minute meditation bringing us back to a past life.

First of all, I really was scared of going by myself. First I got a friend of mine to join but then she cancelled. I knew I had to do this, not giving up on the opportunity, by myself.

These are the types of things that trigger the worst in me – all my self-images, all my beliefs and scenarios come up and literally pollute my mind quickly and massively.

But I knew I had to go and I went out in the untypically cold and stormy weather.

On the way to the venue I was very calm. I was calm when I got there too. I made an effort to talk to one of the women. I asked a few questions that I had, then talked to another person.

So all in all it was good but I was still viewing myself super-critically and super-consciously of all the “wrong” things I said or did. And after the event, the chatter in my head started getting even louder and more intrusive.

I wished my mind just had a switch off button.

Then luckily the same person who presented shared a video, which was all I need to settle this “agitated mind”.

I am still amazed by the power of my own my mind, it’s power to drive me mad.

But in myself I know this will be the path – the more I go out and meet/talk to people, the more the fear will vanish.

I will have to face this scary vision of myself, my projection of my own flaws, weaknesses and imperfections, until I realise it’s all an illusion.

Second, I want to tell you about the meditation and the vision of a past life that I had.

As a note, I have to say that I’ve always thought that I’m not the visionary, spiritual type of person. before I used to get annoyed at people who were seeing and feeling things so easily, which was a reflection of my own disconnectedness from myself at the time.

I’ve become better attuned to my own inner wisdom and intuition but I still have fears of not being able to sink in be it in a meditation, regression, or another modality.

The images did come though. The meditation was going fast and still I was managing to keep up. The regressionist advised us to trust our first visions, there was no time for questioning anyway. You go with the flow and whatever comes up in your mind you embrace it and move on.

I was a woman, with red hair, somewhere in Spain, 14-15th century. When he asked us if we can distinguish a name, I could feel it was something with a “B”, later on at home it came as Bianca (which is originally an Italian name, the Spanish version is Blanca).

I was hiding in the dark woods, there were horse riders searching for me. When it was safe I picked my baby and we ran in the darkness. I have just escaped from the royal court – I have given birth to a baby boy from the king. I was a court lady. They wouldn’t recognise my son and wanted to take him away.

Years later I saw our house – a little wooden structure hidden deep in the woods. Me and my son only, sitting on a wooden table in front of a fire. I am living in constant fear, in hiding, and looking out for any signs of danger at any time. I would go to the nearby village to buy groceries but would never talk to anyone or try integrating within the local community. I would move fast as a shadow and go back to the wooden house to keep an eye on my son. On a sunny day we would go out to collect berries and mushrooms in the damp woods.

Few years later, I saw that we had to run again. Something has shifted around in the court and they were looking for us again. I knew it’s not safe for my son and we abandoned everything we had in a hurry.

We went to a village to somebody I knew looking for a safe place to hide from the coming danger. But on one of the days I saw my son with the king’s guards who were looking for us. They have tricked him and befriended him. He was boy around 12-13 and he didn’t know their true intentions.

Something bad happened to him and I couldn’t protect him. He was dead. I saw myself alone again, hidden from the world. I could never forget the betrayal and I could never forgive myself for not being able to protect him.

I lived in regret, sorrow, isolation, guilt. I never found peace until my last breath.

The reason why I saw this particular life and vision is probably the fact that I’ve been thinking a lot about this self-inflicted isolation I experience in my life right now. It also explains why I fear about my son so much and tend to over-protect him and feel guilt towards him with no reason. I tend to take the blame and look for reasons why he’s “like this” in my own behaviour and experience in life. It also answers my question about the little trust I have in the world in general, and the difficulty I feel in connecting with other people.

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Have you ever done a regression? Do you have visions or dreams about past lives? Let me know in the comments.

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