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Waving goodbye to the past
I feel the last few years are catching up with me. Many feelings are coming up to the surface for first time to be illuminated. Things I realise for a first time ever. Things sometimes too grave. My life for the past 4 years has been grave in many ways. Not only, of course, but mostly. I realise now that as soon as my relationship with my partner began, it was stifled almost in the bud. Uninvited visitors, like death, grief, anxiety, came along and didn’t leave much of a space for us to breathe as a new family. My love for my partner was suffocated. My love for my…
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Coming out from the mud and continuing onward
I am grateful for where I am on my journey. I am grateful for the mud I had to come through. I am grateful for the waters that held me while I was rising up. I am grateful for the air that touched my skin upon my resurfacing. I am grateful for the roots that kept me in place. I am grateful for the process, for the journey, for the experience, for my life. On 15th October it was 7 years since the death of my mother. Here’s what I wrote: I was only 26 at the time. I remember trying to rationalise and intellectualise the shock of her…
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Motherhood and enjoying the present moment
For a first time in my life I feel like I’m enjoying being a mother and my relationship with my son. I was too naive and maybe somewhat young when I became a mother. We’ve only been together with my partner for an year when I got pregnant. But we said yes to it, yes to all this family-making, children-raising thing. And it was good for a while. But soon it became clear that this isn’t what I thought it would be. It soon became clear that instead of building a family, there was a wall being built between me and everything around me. And I closed down and shut…
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A strange day… in a beautiful and vulnerable way
It’s a strange day today, in a beautiful, real, soulful, tender way. I’ll try and describe what I feel the best way I can. This morning I started reading a book – Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph. I found this author and her moving story “randomly” browsing in WordePress reader. When I opened Alexis’s blog and read a few blog posts, I knew I’ve found it for a reason. I was captivated. This is the story of a woman who has suffered extreme physical and sexual abuse as a young child and a teenager in the 60’s and 70’s in America. I only started reading this morning but the…
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A hopeful start and a pat on the back
The New 2016 Year is here! Happy new beginnings to all! Before I start fully focusing on what’s coming this year I’d like to reflect on what was achieved and accomplished during 2015. I was scribbling a draft on December 31st and finished it at 11:49 pm. I was quick to go to bed, where my son and partner were already asleep, before it was New Year because I didn’t want to greet it on my own. The draft was a sort of a painfully honest personal rant. I wrote it down for myself and part of it included some very practical resolutions we’ve made in our household (understand: laundry…
