Two weeks ago I had an epiphany moment. It was a moment of full blown joy. I felt happy all the way through from the depths of my soul. It was a moment on my journey in which I felt I’ve passed some rite of passage and have shifted energies and moved forward on my path.
It is an indescribable feeling and something I’v never experienced before – it could probably be best described by the word BLISS.
A couple of days later my dad came to visit and we shared a day of warmness and closeness. Then he had to go and even though we’ve said temporary “goodbyes” to each other many times before, this was different.
This time I felt a strong emotion of sadness, and even grief.
The connection between these two separate events is this:
First, I experienced these two very opposite emotions – joy and sadness – on an extremely intense level.
I was acutely aware of them.
And second, In those moments of being highly emotional and experiencing something profound, I had nobody to share it with.
I felt utterly alone and isolated.
Now, being alone is something I’ve needed for myself for the past couple of years of my life. I’ve almost intentionally closed myself down because I was going through a period during which I was actively soul-searching and redefining my life values. And also I was learning to reconnect with my feelings and recognise them for what they are, since I’ve disconnected from my true emotions from a young age in order to survive an unhappy life.
Experiencing these strong emotions was something unknown for me, something I’ve never felt before. But what struck me the most was the feeling that I didn’t want to be alone anymore, at all.
I realised how much I needed to share these emotional moments with someone.
I realised how much in reality I craved to experience human connection again.
Moreover, I got to understand and experience (embody) the fascinating anatomy of human desire and manifestation. These emotions that we feel are the fuel that propels us to move forward with courage. They are the “rockets of desire”, as described by the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, that launch us upward to change our reality.
This is manifestation in its purest form. And the innate ability to feel and follow these cues are our tools.
When we know what we want (respectively don’t want), we create a desire and forge the path forward. There’s no need for thinking or planning. In fact, thinking about the “hows” or “not haves” will only create a block towards our goals.
Instead, you need to let yourself feel and allow the process. Thinking will only create resistance and obscure your path.
That said, my own thinking up until recently about making connections has led me to the point where I’m actually terrified of human contact. I can’t explain it, it makes no sense at all. But I feel incapable of making friends. I’ve built such an enormous resistance towards this very simple human act, that only the mention of it gets me in a state of mental stupor.
Now I can clearly see how I’ve led myself down a tricky slippery slope. I’ve been wobbling between the two sides of the same scale – I want to be alone/I want to have somebody to share with.
Indeed, I’ve been sending scrambled messages to the universe!
The strong emotions that I felt were the voice of something bigger than my human self.
These strong emotions were the true desire coming forth from the depths of my soul.
A desire to reignite the flame within me. The yearning to share and spread the fire that’s burning in me. The longing to burn in a wild collective fire of creativity and creation.
I’m choosing to listen to that desire and follow it now.