New Beginnings 2.0

newbeginning
Image Brian Garcia

Hello again!

I wanted to touch base with you all since it’s been a while.

I’m back at my home country, this time with all the members of my small gang.

We did take a big trip across Europe – from Ireland to Bulgaria. It took us two weeks to drive from the most western country to the most eastern country, considered parts of Europe. We drove and took two ferries – one from Ireland to the UK and from there to the Netherlands. From then on we passed through Germany, Austria, Hungary, Serbia and Bulgaria. We were spending two nights in each city we visited, namely Rotterdam, Cologne, Munich, Vienna, Budapest, Belgrade and Sofia (one night only). On our way we also stopped in Frankfurt and Salzburg.

It was an incredible feeling to wake up every day for two weeks and look forward to exploring new places, meeting new people, trying out different things (and facing some fears).

It was an adventure that will be framed in my memories till the end of my days and would be something I would want to repeat again and again. Ah.. sweet memories. (If you’re interested to read more about this side of my life check this out.)

Here, in my granny’s house, we’ve found some peace and quiet until the time is ripe to make our next step. You may know that we’ve sold the house in Ireland and after lots of back and forward decision making we decided to leave Ireland, at least for a while, and try our luck elsewhere. 

It was sad to leave and say goodbyes – it was like nobody really thought that would ever happen. But also, much more importantly, we took this as our clean break. We needed to brake away from the old patterns and habits and totally reconstruct our lives.

It’s time to take my life in my hands and have a life. And our life as a family also. It’s all bound to change and evolve.

For a first time in many (nine) years I will spend Christmas with my family (or what’s left from it). And I’ll have my peoples with me. For a first time ever a bridge will be drawn between two very different worlds, cultures and ideals. But not too different. My partner and my son will have the opportunity to get to know a part of myself that I’ve unconsciously hid and suppressed for so long, so wrongfully long…..

But the line is drawn and we’re making Bulgaria our new home, and I’m making it my home once again.

Many of my friends (and my family) can’t understand my motivation and comprehend “why on earth are we coming/going to Bulgaria”? Some of my friends have even advised me against it, understandably so from the point of view of somebody that has lived in Bulgaria all their life and have seen the worst of it.

And I’ve seen the worst of it too but now I’ve seen the worst of something else as well – living as an immigrant in a foreign country. Or simply, being uprooted from everything you call home and having to deal with this on your own.

And to clarify, I didn’t even made the decision on the base of being homesick and missing my country. I’ve battled that feeling long and have tamed it to a degree where I didn’t feel Bulgarian anymore.

But it will be true if I say that something just drew me back, it was a pull I felt on some level, nothing I can explain with logic. In fact, the vision in my head was so strong I could describe the exact life that I want, that I am living.

I once read in a book something about change and moving from one place to another. It said it isn’t good to move or change location just as a means of escaping, believing that moving somewhere else and being there (not here in this moment/place and dealing with what you need to) will solve whatever the issue is. It also said that you would know where to move to, it would be like this place needs you and your presence is almost required there (to do whatever you need to do). It’s hard to explain but I’m hoping you get the sense.

The decision to move back to Bulgaria wasn’t rational although it was backed with plenty of rational reasons and a solid plan as well. And this is how (soul) evolution happens. That’s all I can say for now.

Do you feel the urge for change? Do you feel there’s more to life? What does change look like for you?

You may also like Trips and insights from around Bulgaria

Posted by

I'm Vilina Christoph and I write about my journey of healing and empowerment. A family tragedy triggered my suffering from depression and anxiety+panic attacks. I was consumed by loss and grief, my sense of self was shattered. For the last three years I've been slowly piecing a new "me". I've been tracing my steps backwards, unlearning toxic behaviours and releasing outdated beliefs. It's been a journey of stripping down layers and coming back to my core, my heart, my soul. This is my life story of awakening, remembering my truth and becoming whole again. May it inspires you on your path!

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