Lately, I’ve been thinking about support A LOT. I’ve been thinking about having a support system and how to build one. How to go about it?
I’m realising this is something missing from my life. I do have support in general but I don’t have any support on real actual level – I still feel pretty on my own most of the time.
I’ve been enjoying connecting with fellow bloggers and I have to say that I do feel part of a small community here on WordPress. Recently, I’ve made it part of my routine to read other’s blog posts every Sunday night (and Monday morning possibly) when I get my weekly digest. I also try to comment as much as I can with meaningful replies.
But in my physical life I still struggle to connect with like-minded people. And meeting such in general. My stomping grounds are usually parks and playgrounds which we visit with my son almost everyday after kindergarden. But I just notice myself how I shut down when I go there.
I’m not looking for connection and very often even avoid eye contact with other mums. OK, there may be some factors predetermining this behaviour. But yesterday I noticed my automatic body and mind response and felt even physical discomfort. The moment somebody came closer to me, I shut myself down, eyes in other direction and stopped talking. It felt like contraction and I felt my son noticed that too.
I was thinking to myself that I don’t want that, it felt awful, and I was wondering why it is so strong and so prevalent. Anyway, I decided that it’s good that I’m aware of this reaction and also knowing that it isn’t my true self. I need to question it and on some level I know it’s based on a false belief so I need to look into that.
But most of the days, you feel too tired for that, don’t you?
I’m too tired to talk, I’m too tired to engage, I’m too tired to make any friends.
It’s an internal struggle by all means.
This morning I decided to meditate on “having support” and what can I possibly do. And, as it often happens, I got the messages to not force it and push it, to acknowledge where I am right now, remembering I’m doing so much already, to give myself some credit and compassion, to treasure my achievements and enjoy where I am right now.
This made me asking, Isn’t it always like that? Aren’t we always on the hamster wheel, chasing the next thing around?
Why do we fall in the trap of wanting and thus forcing and making things happen?
I notice myself how my attention goes on to something and then I can drive myself mad trying to achieve it by doing things.
We get too stuck on the HOW to make it happen, forgetting this isn’t our job at all. And then we punish ourselves and suffer from not being able to achieve results immediately.
So, a quick reminder to all – it’s all happening and we are exactly where we need to be. To help our desires manifest, we need to get into the flow – we meditate asking for any guidance we may be ready to receive, we sit and visualise the ideal situation we’d like to happen, we forgive ourselves for our limitations and pray for strength and courage to grow.
We need to get out of our heads and our obsessive ideas and to surrender to what is right now, being open and willing to receive. Action really is the last step and that usually comes as a consequence of all the internal work we’ve already done. Then, when it’s manifested, we don’t feel like we’ve achieved something but rather that we’ve co-created our reality.