It’s been a whirlwind of last and again I’ll have to say, It’s been a while, I’ve missed you and I’ve missed writing.
My family and I had to move house, yet again.
We’ve arrived in Bulgaria a little more than 7 month ago. Late in February we found an apartment in Sofia – we were delighted with the place and we were ready to start settling in and go on with our lives. Work for my partner, kindergarden for our son, and more time to write for me.
And things indeed were settling, we were getting the hang of it. The transport, the shops, the parks, the city life, etc.
Until, I got that message from the owner that he wants us to move out of the apartment as soon as possible.
It was a hit, I didn’t expect it, I literally thought we would live in this place, like forever. Never saw this coming. I was so saddened. We’ve worked so hard to come to this point in our lives.
But I made the decision this was all for good, that it is happening for a reason. I didn’t want to be the victim of the situation and took charge of my feelings.
I started getting inspired again that we’ll find a better suitable place for our family, that we can start all fresh again. And not long after, we did find a beautiful apartment just 3 minutes away.
And if the first part of the story was the plot twist, this next part was conflict climax.
I had to go through a mini war zone, trying to negotiate about this new place with the property agent. The rent was a little too high for us and while we were viewing it, we made an offer we hadn’t quite considered. It was a bit too much for us. So that night, I decided I’ll ring the agent in the morning and try bring down the rent a bit so that we feel more comfortable.
What I though would be negotiating a business deal turned out to be a fight over the phone. This person just wouldn’t even hear what my request was, he would argue and try convincing me in his point. The funniest thing was that he was only supposed to convey my request to the owners. He would get his commission fee regardless.
Again, I was struck, I was unprepared for his reaction and behaviour, and which is worse – my painful buttons were all triggered. I went into defense mode and would fight back until I got my way.
I felt awful, I cried, I couldn’t understand why was this happening to me.
What it brought up to me, though, was a situation from the past. A very vivid painful memory emerged from the depths of my mind and I understood why this was happening.
I had the opportunity to handle this situation with the agent different from what I’ve done in the past. I understood that I was just a mirror for this guy, he had his own dark past and he was projecting onto me. But because I had my own darkness within me too, I was taking on that stuff personally and went into fight mode.
I did catch myself on time and I knew he was also mirroring to me this buried part of me. And now I had the chance to heal that past trauma, make a different behaviour decision and resolve any unresolved residue.
And the new owners did accept our offer. And we moved within a day.
If you think that’s the happy ending, I’m afraid it’s still not over. Now we’re in a process of getting our deposit back from the first landlord. Since he broke the contract we have the right the ask for two deposits back and we’re currently negotiating that, since he’s proving to be difficult too.
On this front, I was again getting slightly defensive. I noticed myself to be believing that he’s going to shaft us. I was getting pushy, he started to back off. Again, I realised my behaviour was coming from a place of woundedness – doubt, mistrust and fear.
I realised that if that was what I was believing, I would probably get that. I managed to shift my perception, I knew I should trust and have faith in the goodness beneath of all defense layers.
And if we get shafted, that we will be able to manage that situation with ease and grace as well.
So I’m here now – in a bit of a limbo.
But the silver lining of all this is that I’m able to see the hidden gifts in all these difficulties. I know these are opportunities for me to expand, grow and learn new behaviours. I’m healing old wounds, I’m rewiring my brain, I’m learning new ways of being, I’m shifting my consciousness.
Like an alchemist, I’m able to transform the adversity into gold, to find the hidden wisdom in the hardship.
I know how much effort and energy it takes to do this internal work. But I’m coming out stronger, more confident and more resilient. That’s more valuable than anything else.
Are you able to see the hidden gifts in life’s challenges? Can you transform adversity into wisdom?