I’m crying but I’m happy.
I’m happy because in the depths of my soul I am happy, happier than I’ve ever been.
But I’m also crying and that’s because I’m crying out all the pain my mother, my sister, all the women in my family, and all the women in the world for centuries had felt.
But I’m happy because I’m shifting all that pain.
I’m crying because they couldn’t transform the pain, they felt it and lived with it till their very last breath.
But I’m happy because they will be free, I am setting them, myself and the future generations free, now.
From all that couldn’t be said, couldn’t be expressed, and they held in their hearts, till it ate them from the inside.
But this will soon be over.
That’s why I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.
None of us will ever be alone in her pain.
Next follows a poem I wrote about ten days ago along with the thoughts above, which all came as a revelation as to what part of my healing journey is about. I realised I’m not healing and transforming my own pain only but it’s much deeper than that. I understood why the pain I sometimes feel is so profound and I seem unable to shake it off. I’m healing a generations old pain of many women before me. I clearly got visions of my sister and mother in situations when they felt utterly alone in their lives. And then I realised it’s nearly all women in the world who have experienced similar situations and it had almost become the norm. Women have suffered some deep wounds which came as a part of the paradigm we still live in. For the past more than 2000 years women have been oppressed in many ways, until today where it’s up to us to shift all this and evolve.
How many times
How many times have you sat alone?
How many times you’ve cried at home?
How many times you were missing something essential?
How many times you’ve thought to end it?
Well, I’m crying with you now,
I’m crying for you now.
Because you should’ve never endured what you had.
You should’ve never sacrificed what you did.
You were never meant to go through this.
You didn’t have to, you see…
But you didn’t know.
And you gave and you gave and you gave.
You gave of yourself freely,
Never to ask for anything in return.
You got used to the pain,
You thought that’s the just the way it’s supposed to be.
And you sat alone,
And you cried silently,
You wished it was soon over.
And I promise you this – it is over.
You will never have to shed a piece of your soul again,
You will never have to shed a drop of your heart, never again.
You are free.
You are free.
Do any of you beautiful women out there resonate with this? Let me know in the comment section.
P.S. You can listen to the poem in this video.
With love, Vilina